October Blahs

I know, I know, it's been over a month.

It's not that I don't think about blogging, I do.  But really, I don't have anything to say.

September looked like this:
I ran a 10k (and I actually ran the whole thing, which amazed me)
I went out for Karrie's "Girl's Night" which included lots of yummy food and drink
I participated and went to Karrie and Dan's wedding, which also including lots of food and drink and fun
I went to my Grandma's 90th birthday party and my brother-in-law's 40th birthday party, and both included lots of food and drink (and a little fun)
Then it became October....
I went to Sammie's 1st birthday party, which included good food and cake
I got on the treadmill and ran 2.5 miles
I worked a full week of work subbing in the afternoon - which left no time to work out since I had to pick up Josie straight after work.

I went out with Don and Josie on Sunday to Village Pointe since it was such a nice day and I feel that we are running out of those.  First we went to Gigi's Cupcakes (it was their grand opening) and their cupcakes are half frosting.  They were handing out mini cupcakes at the door and then we bought two cupcakes to take with us for dessert after dinner.  Now, I had not showered at all that day and was feeling pretty raggedy and fat and blah.  Walking around an outdoor shopping mall in a wealthier part of town was not what I needed... A bunch of rich, fit looking women/families walking around (shopping which I can't really do right now) made me feel even worse and eating that cupcake later was a catch 22 - part of me wanted to eat it as a sort of therapy and part of me hated myself as I ate it... and I didn't even eat the whole thing because it was just too much.

So the next day I got up and told Don I was going jogging.  I have a hard time assigning a time for myself to work out.  I guess when you have a kid you feel like it's supposed to be approved by someone or something.  I feel guilty, like I should be doing something else (especially when my house is a flipping mess).  So I told him I was going to be working out by 10 am, no excuses.  Thankfully it was a pretty nice morning and I took my workout outside and jogged through Boystown.  I did walk a few parts, I hadn't jogged outside since the 10k last month and it was a little tough but it still felt good. 

I wanted to work out today but there were still things that needed to be done at home after work/before getting Josie so I focused on those things.  I've decided I want to train for a half-marathon next spring.... I just need something to motivate me other than wanting to do it... especially since "baking season" is upon me and nothing makes me giddier than baking around the holidays.  I've even considered starting my baking early and freezing things so I can give more as gifts. 

That's my summary of the blahs I've been feeling.  Blah mixed in with a little bit of self-loathing and I really need to snap out of it.

New Month, New Me? We'll See

Sorry I have not been blogging like a good girl.  After my last post where I had been struggling with being sick or not, I became full on sick with another flippin' sinus infection.  My voice was completely gone by the end of my school day on Friday and I felt like I was half alive until Sunday when I broke down and went to a clinic.  This really hindered my working out plans and also my eating well plans.  For some reason when I am sick, or at least when my throat is scratchy, eating (and swallowing) is the only thing that feels good on my throat.  And I HATE cough drops.  They taste like nasty candy and I'd really rather not taste them....  Anyway, I'm finally better but I am behind schedule with running.  I did get in a couple walks with the family but school was really busy this week because I had to get mid-hexter grades posted by the end of the day Thursday and I was having computer issues and starting new projects with my classes, which requires me to be constantly at my students' disposal with their many questions.  This also means that I do not sit down for four hours, I do not even get a chance to drink water or pee (so it's a good thing I don't get to drink that water I guess!).

I did get a 3 mile jog in on Wednesday but the other days were so hard to get going when I got home because I was so physically and mentally exhausted.  I also have a problem with time management when I get home from school.  It's like I have too much time that I don't know how to organize it and then I get nothing done.  I also had an issue at school with a couple boys that stressed me out, but that's all resolved now.  It just meant I got home later than usual and was so tired I fell asleep on the couch!

Anyway, today has been a good day so far.  The weather is beautiful which means it is easier to get outside and be active.  I even forced myself to go jog at Zorinsky Lake and was able to go four miles without stopping.   My pace was pretty slow; I averaged about 11:40 per mile and it was challenging because I'm not used to hills since I've been just running on the treadmill.  The Corporate Cup is just a week away and I still don't feel real confident but I'm still going to try it...

I also went to WW today after a short hiatus.  According to my scale at home I was down a pound but the scale there said it was just down .2.  I figure I am down, so that's good, and I figure I'm going with my scale!  There's going to be a lot of celebrating the next few weeks with Karrie's wedding festivities, Lynn leaving for Paris, a big family reunion and my brother-in-law's 40th birthday party.  Here's hoping I stay strong and don't gain anything!

Lacking Motivation

I just seem to be out of lately.  I don't know if it's the restart of the school year and trying to really get into a schedule or if it was planning Karrie's shower that had my brain off track, but I should be over it by now, right?  The shower was Sunday and a success I think (even though I'm not real fond of the way I look in the group picture... it looks like I've never lost weight) and the school year is now in full swing, so I should be able to get back on track.  I even made a schedule of workouts for the months of August and September but I've barely stayed on track with that.  My plan is to make September a more successful month.

I did not go to weight watchers this week because when I got on the scale it was the same as the previous week.  No loss but no gain, so I'll take it.  I would like a loss this week.  I'm almost at 45 pounds lost and I think hitting that mark would help motivate me.  However, it is already Wednesday and I don't think I've been doing very well food or workout wise.  There were leftover cookies and mints from the shower and I've been snacking on those.  This is why I don't bake cookies very often, if they are around I will eat them and I don't have any willpower to stop.  I also haven't had great workouts until today.  Sunday in itself was a workout.  I was on my feet from 1-5 setting up the shower, hosting the shower, and helping clean up.  This includes hauling things back and forth (you know what I'm talking about!) and I was physically exhausted by the time I got home.  Because I didn't get any of my usual Sunday chores done, I did them all on Monday right after I left school.  I got groceries on the way home, put those away, ran and emptied the dishwasher (and reloaded it!), did 2 loads of laundry, put away all the clean laundry and vacuumed the whole downstairs area.  I literally did not stop moving until I picked up Josie at 4.  That night when I got in bed I could feel my throat starting to get sore...

Fortunately I have not gotten fully sick.  I'm hoping it is just a short lived, passing by, kind of cold.  I was so tired yesterday after school and since I had worked my butt off on Monday I decided it was okay to take a nap.  After all, if I don't rest I could get sicker.  I felt somewhat refreshed after that and then had to take Josie to the doctor for her 15-month check-up.  This was the LONGEST appointment ever.  I hate waiting at the doctor, especially with a toddler that likes to get into everything!  Luckily Don was off early because he had to go to the dentist and we were able to have an early dinner and then all go for a walk.  I thought I was up for the walk, but by the end I was struggling.  I felt weak and tired, so Josie and I went to bed early.

I feel somewhat better today.  After school, I forced myself to get on the treadmill (after another short nap) and I jogged 4 miles.  They were slower than I've been doing lately.  I'm trying to believe that I'll be able to run this 10k that's coming up but I haven't had many chances to get outside and I'm struggling to think I'll be able to run the whole thing and not feel like dying.

Busy Busy

Here's what I know:

- I was going to start this post 15 minutes ago but I just got a note that my nephew is in the hospital (Asher) so I was getting the scoop on that.

- I ran 6 miles this afternoon because I didn't get it done on my scheduled day (Sunday) because, well, life happens.

- On Saturday I went to WW (after a one week hiatus) and I was down 1.4, which makes my total since last June 44.2 pounds lost.  Only .8 from 45, and hopefully another 5 gone in the next month.

- Also on Saturday I went to Cardio Kickboxing because I didn't go on Friday afternoon (my scheduled day)... I was ready and showed up for the noon class but the only person in the room was the instructor so I chickened out and got on the eliptical for 20 minutes and then my legs felt like jello.  When I left I looked back in the room and there were 5-7 people in the class so I think I will try again knowing I hopefully won't be the only one.

- I have curriculum night tonight (aka open house) and I'm really tired and would rather hang out at home but oh well.  I hope I can just keep standing through the time I'm done after those 6 miles today!

Sweaty First Days

Okay, I promised to blog on Sunday after my workout but time just got away from me.  Even right now I don't have much time... I should be in the shower so I can be clean when I go get Josie and I need to stop at Bucky's so I can by a lottery ticket even though I won't win because I have bad luck.

I'm also getting used to my new computer's keyboard which is not a full sized keyboard and I hit a lot of the wrong keys!

So I'm back at work and that sucked up a lot of my time this past week.  Full days of working plus getting up earlier than ever every day = tired, cranky, and hungry.  I prefer waking up later and having a late breakfast.  Then I'm not hungry and wanting to eat something mid morning to get me through to lunch.  This must be why it is so easy to lose weight in the summer for me.  I had gotten behind on my workouts but I'm back on track and I forced myself to run 5 miles last Sunday which just about killed me but I wouldn't give up.  This race is next month and I'm so not ready for it... However, now that I'm on my regular work schedule (half days) I will be able to fit in my workouts more often.  Even today... I got home, took a two hour nap (I was POOPED!) and then made myself get on the treadmill to run 3 miles.  My next scheduled workout is Friday - Cardio Kickboxing at 12:30.  I'm excited to be able to officially fit this class into my schedule.  Saturday I'm hoping for another run and then a longer run on Sunday (6 miles).

I just really need to get back on track food-wise.  It hasn't been horrible (I did say no to Chinese food last night at Don's suggestion) but I could really be better and I need to be.  As things slow down in the next couple weeks I'll be able to get back into a routine and have better planning!

Well it's off to the shower so I can get that power ball ticket!  And a fountain soda, which will probably bring me more joy than the ticket...

Unreached Goals

To say the least, July wasn't a very successful month.  In fact, it was a pretty stressful month financially, especially near the end.  Mix in the stomach flu mid month, which got me completely off track, and it became a downward spiral.  I haven't tracked my food, I've barely worked out and I've had one too many treats (both sweet and alcoholic!).  I haven't even hardly weighed myself... but I printed out two calendars (one for August and one for September) and planned my workouts up through Karrie and Dan's wedding. 

Because of the stomach flu thing I got off my running schedule and never made 6 miles in July.  I tried this past Tuesday (the very last day of July) but it had been over a week since my last run and that last run was only 3 or 4 miles.  I started out slow and made it to 4 miles but I was exhausted so I stopped.  That was about 50 minutes including warm up and cool down and I averaged 11:30 minutes/mile.  I had scheduled myself to go to spinning the next morning but I was super sore from the previous day.  My hamstrings were torn up because they had already gotten used to not running.  So I took the day off - plus I had a dentist appointment in the afternoon which caused me anxiety throughout the day because I HATE the dentist, even for teeth cleanings. 

Somehow today I was able to get in a workout.  Today was actually scheduled to be a rest day but since I ended up taking that yesterday I knew I needed to fit in a workout somehow today.  My mom ended up having a doctors appointment in the afternoon and called when she was on her way home to see if I wanted her to watch Josie.  I'm sure her intention was to watch her so I could get some school work done but I knew I wouldn't be happy if I didn't get on the treadmill and try another run.  I did the same run as I did on Tuesday but just a little faster.  I started at 5.1 instead of 5.0 and bumped it up every ten minutes until I hit 5.5 and then I bumped it up every two minutes until I reached 4 miles.  The running was a total of 45 minutes, averaging under 11:30 minutes/mile.  I did bump the speed up to 6.0 at the very end to get to the finish line.  It's hard to believe that I used to run 6 miles at that pace.  It seems so fast now!  Anyway, my knees are sore now but I feel better.

Tomorrow I'm hoping to go the spinning class again in the morning.  Don is going to take the day off so I can go to school and work.  I figured I would try and get a workout in before I head to school.  This will make up for my missed spinning class on Wednesday and today's run will replace the run I had scheduled for tomorrow.  If I'm not too sore I'm going to try to go to cardio kickboxing again on Saturday morning.  I hope that I'm not pushing myself too hard - I would like to also get a 5 mile run in on Sunday (which will continue to be my long run day until the corporate cup).

I'm going to hang my schedule up so I can try and keep on it.... I think it will be easier once school really starts.  The only problem will be the first week back because I will be working full days until I go pick up Josie.  I'm going to try and fit in some workouts over the lunch hours since they sometimes can run long during these work days.  Now I just have to get re-motivated with the food.

I will try and be better about blogging... it's just been so hard with the punk kid lately!  If I'm at the computer she is whining to sit on my lap so she can get into everything on the desk.  But this too shall get easier as the school year starts and I have a little time to myself at home before I have to pick her up!

Oh What A Week

So my goals for July have not been going so well.  Neither has blogging apparently!

I have a lot of things going on mentally which has not boded well for eating well or working out.  Oh and I've had a sick child which left me home bound for two days (and searching in cupboards for crap).  Although I wanted to make a pan of brownies (I happened to have all the fixings) I did not but I did polish off the remaining ice cream in the freezer.  It was a low-fat ice cream, but I ate more than I should have.

One thing I've learned this summer:  I should never be a stay-at-home mom.  I have a new respect for those moms.  No adult interaction during the day is maddening (at least when the kid(s) are sick and you don't want to take them anywhere for fear of them getting sicker).  I never thought I would miss the squirrelly middle school students that often sent me off my rocker, but they are pretty humorous and fun and I'm looking forward to getting back to it next month.  Now don't get me wrong, I love summer, but I feel like I haven't been able to do much and it's just a big waste.  I've only been swimming once and that was to try Josie out in the water, which scared the hell out of her, so I haven't been back since.  I also can't afford to go on a vacation which is something everyone thinks teachers do in the summer.  I can't even afford a road trip - plus I'd have to find someone to watch my crazy dog and the idea of traveling with a one-year-old is not really appealing.  Plus, I vowed to wean Josie this summer (which hasn't happened) and to get her sleeping in her crib at night and for naps... which also hasn't happened.  Sometimes I feel like a mommy failure, like I'm doing something completely wrong, and everyone has advice (which I haven't really asked for) but it's easy to give it out and not easy to live through the blood-curdling screams my daughter is capable of right now.

Anyway, I'm vowing to make the week end on a better note.  I haven't weighed myself since last Saturday (up .8) and I haven't really worked out since Sunday (5 mile run, but at a faster pace than ever).  The ice cream is out of the house and I have the day off of motherhood (until 4) to get some stuff done, hopefully work out, and de-stress.  I have the Color Run this weekend, a 5k, I'm not too concerned about the time just excited to become a real like rainbow!  So hopefully this will help remotivate me to keep on the journey and at least end July with a loss of some sort.....